Brute honesty is when people who haven't fully integrated compassion try to deliver the truth...and by truth I mean their personal judgment that they don't realise is different from the truth. They don't select an appropriate time or place, they don't say it with tact and what comes out of their mouth is a judgemental, thoughtless way of delivering what is usually a negative exaggeration of the truth.
Never, shut your pie hole ;)
Brute honesty is always more brutal than honest. It's cruel and it wounds the other person long after you have delivered it. Don't convince yourself for one second longer that you are doing the other person a favour.
Don't accept it. When someone says 'can I be brutally honest?' say 'no thank you, I prefer compassionate honesty'.
A friend who doesn't know how to deliver something with sensitivity and compassion will hurt you not help you. You don't have to take it.
Compassionate honesty is honesty delivered with sensitivity and compassion. It considers the current emotional state of the other person, it let's the other person know that you have their best interest at heart and it allows you to deliver a message that most people will stay open to hearing.
Give compassionate honesty when someone asks for your honest opinion.
Honesty without compassion equals brutality, but compassion without honesty equals enabling, so instead of sugar coating, find the right mix by delivering the truth in a compassionate and considerate way.
The easiest way to do this is to imagine how it would feel to receive that information if you were them.
Try to understand that the better you receive honesty the more people will stay truthful with you. If you lose your mind or instantly defend yourself, most people will start lying to you or saying the truth in a more brutal way.
When someone is being compassionately honest, thank them, be honest if it sucked to hear, and ask yourself if there is truth to what they are saying.
Straight talking honesty
This form of honesty is reserved for two people who are at polar opposite ends of the scale to each other. The people who want the truth and the people who aren't truthful intentionally or unintentionally.
Compassionate honesty can be lost on someone who is in a state of victim, avoidance, denial, narcissism or ego and it can over complicate a message for someone who simply wants to receive the truth.
Straight talking avoids the fillers so as little as possible can be misconstrued and personal growth can be achieved efficiently.
Giving it to a person who wants it is easy. You give them the information, they receive it, acknowledge it and are grateful for it.
For the other type of person you have to understand that you can only give the truth, you have no control over their ability to process it, so drop the expectation of any form of resolution and focus on reflecting honesty.
It's best to give it simply, kindly and concisely from a neutral, non judgmental state. Be prepared for a reaction that focuses on your delivery rather than the information you tried to deliver or another form of defensive response.
Don't get caught up in justifying yourself, remember you are doing this to place a healthy boundary up to state that you won't play the game and won't tolerate it.
If someone says something and you react to it over-emotionally or jump into defence then it would be good to take a moment to check yourself. Consider the following before receiving:
Do I trust this persons judgment?
Does this person genuinely want good things for me?
If the answer is yes to both then it might be a good time (despite lots of high emotions) to remember that often people we know can see things that we can't!!
Instead of focusing on how you feel about what theyve said, focus on what they have said that has value.
How you deliver honest says a lot about how willing you are to see and understand others.
How you receive honesty says a lot about how willing you are to see and understand yourself.
Honesty and authenticity