I allowed my deepest fears and hurts a safe place to sing! My reasoning: It's hard to fully accept and understand myself if I only get to know some of me!!
As a strong person, I hadn't often allowed myself to be vulnerable. Or the truth translation: as a guarded person, I hadn't often tolerated what I saw as self weakness.
I chose consciously to experience this situation with full awareness of ALL my feelings without judgment. ...ok, so there was some judgement...but hey I'm human, what you gonna do!!
I watched all my thoughts as they passed by (or came knocking repeatedly at the door). I noticed that if any perceivably irrational, pathetic, derogatory or any other negative thoughts came through my head - My instinct was to ignore them - to reason with myself and not stay wrapped up in something for too long.
Before In similar situations I would be aware of negative thoughts, but i would soon reason with them and move on. I thought this was a wonderful way of dealing with things! People even commended me on my strength and resolve to stand by my decisions and not falter.
I knew that faltering and a healthy amount of questioning yourself is good for you. What I didn't know about questioning yourself, is that you should also stick around to hear your own answer. Not just hear it, but accept it.
At first I felt like the negativity, doubt and fear would swallow me up. I had
often ignored background fears or what I felt was pathetic or irrational thoughts and feelings.
Such is the mind - Ego and personality don't like accepting negative aspects of self. We can go to many a length to project just the 'good' parts of ourself (the first few months of dating is a good example of this!)
All thoughts are created equal.
Whilst I was experiencing this roller coaster, I got to thinking about thoughts.
All thoughts (wether we have labeled them good or bad) are essentially all equal. They all create a feeling and emotion in the body, which determines our vibration, which creates our reality.
Thoughts, feelings and emotions should flow from us, to us and through us. What we resist persists. So by this account, not accepting ANY thought will just cause it to go on repeat! If we still refuse to accept this thought it gathers more momentum and eventually becomes a bigger, badder version of itself! Manifesting itself in your energetic and therefore physical reality until it's annoying or unavoidable enough that you have to do something about it!
Ever had something big happen, only to realised in hindsight you could have dealt with it waaaaay before you did?
Ever looked back at a relationship, friendship, business partnership and realise that all the warning signs were there from the beginning, but you ignored them until it got reeeeally bad?
Life will deliver to you the lessons you need to increase your consciousness. Life delivers these lessons gently at first. If you choose not to learn, life will repeat like an alarm clock until it's blaring on full force!
Every time without fail, life gives you signs way before boiling point in an attempt to self correct and heal. It's entirely up to you when you want to pull your finger out of the water.
In this case I had chosen to burn and blister all because I wouldn't accept all parts or me!
I was determined to allow each irrational thought to run through me as easily as I would accept a truth. From this place of complete acceptance and allowance, came complete awareness!!!!!
Allowing the thought to run its course had seen it dissipate before my very eyes. A deep understanding of it created by completely embracing it, rather than rejecting it.
It was in the awareness of the thought, that I could learn where it originated from and how long I had carried it through different situations in my life. You can't change the ending if you don't know the beginning!!!!
All your thoughts are valid.
If a situation keeps reoccurring in your life or a thought pattern/behaviour keeps sneaking up repeatedly........then maybe it's time to get to know the other you.............you know........the person you refuse to be!
Surrender to what you resist and watch it melt away!!!
It's in trusting the universe to catch you when you're falling that you are caught.
It's about facing your biggest fear, knowing that it might swallow you up, but doing it anyway!
It's in embracing pain only to be relieved of it.
It's in allowing any outcome, that offers us the choice.
It's beautiful, it's painful, it's sadistically ironic.......it's life ;)